SDD 2017 Schedule
This is a rating on a scale from 1 to 5 to indicate how much demo coding the session will contain (as opposed to slides) – 1 means no code demos, and 5 means nothing but.
This is a rating on a scale from 1 to 5 to indicate how advanced the session is (in terms of the specific topic that is being covered) – 1 means that it’s introductory, and 5 means that it’s aimed at attendees who already have significant experience in the relevant area.
Thursday 18 May 2017
It works on my machine!
This talk is full of true tales of tragedies, failed projects, bad code, and other crazy things that software engineers, designers, and pointy-haired bosses everywhere do. Have you been on a project death march, or a project you knew was a train wreck? Perhaps you’ve seen code that defies all logic? Have you had to measure code by the number of “WTFs per minute”? Whether it’s ruining the integrity of a database, or eating up all the available memory on a machine, every day we see engineers and architects making spectacularly bad choices, and can only wonder why. Some of the things they do are nearly unbelievable! The language doesn’t matter, nor does the vendor. It happens in C# and C++, VB and Ruby, Delphi and Dbase, and everywhere. People abuse SQL and Oracle, MongoDB and more. In this session, you’ll see some high-speed train wrecks of projects as witnessed by the speaker’s decades in the industry. Like the time when someone checked an entire VM into source code control, or when a manager deployed web sites straight to production, without testing, passing by QA. Some developers instead created bizarre and eye jarring UIs. Others have written classes with hundreds of thousands of lines of code, wondering why it is hard to maintain. Even more have left databases wide open with everyone’s favorite flaw: a common admin password. It’s these kind of developer dysfunctions that happen just as someone says “But it works on my machine!” (of course, not on anyone else’s). Incompetence abounds, and sometimes the workplace really is like a Dilbert cartoon.